“There are moments in life, and they happen so infrequently that they tend to really stand out, when life hands you the gift of perspective. Sometimes, we forget to show our appreciation. Sometimes, we get our priorities mixed up. And, sometimes, we forget how far we’ve come. But life always has a way of nudging you to remind you about these important things.”
― Cassia Leo, Bring Me Home

Perspective and priorities – how quickly we can lose track. The other evening I had dinner with my friend and we talked about getting older and how things happen in our lives that we did not plan for, let alone being so very different from the dreams we had.  And how sometimes little things take on a life of their own in the midst of our problems.

My friend, who survived a serious illness, talked about how, after her treatments,  she had put on weight and was discussing with her doctor about how much she didn’t like those extra pounds.  Her doctor looked into her eye and said “So after all you have been through, just get a bigger size.” My friend laughed and thought – “Yes- of course.”  Those few words totally put things into perspective for her.

So I love that story.  Sometimes we are faced with small or large issues and life challenges but we can only focus on that issue as if it were the only thing.  It seems so big and it takes on a life of its’ own, but, in reality, it is not all there is.  Like the other day, I was paying my ticket at a parking garage and the cashier said to me “Senior discount ?”  She repeated it three times, and I am staring at her with a blank look thinking “Huh me?” I looked around and thought she was talking to someone else.  Then I realized she meant me – Oh no!!  I was appalled. I guess I still have my vanities that I hold on to (and realized I needed a touch-up).  My life has been so focused on a family medical crisis that I have been unable to even take care of the basics.  But in the end, it made me laugh because I knew that my hair color was not as much of a priority as it always has been and that I still could laugh.   

Both of these little stories are great examples of how life was “nudging” me to remember the important things.  

So how do you put things in perspective, given all of our challenges, frustrations, daily tasks, and innumerable priorities that we think we must deal with each day?

• First – Make of list of what really matters in your life - each day!! Tuck it into your wallet or paste in on a sticky note on your computer.  Keep it right in front of you, look at it each time you open your wallet.  Ask yourself if what you are doing is really, really important and make decisions accordingly.
  
• Second -  Look for options. Ask yourself – “What will happen if I postpone this task or lower it on my priority list? Is everything really a ‘must’ ”? Ask different questions - “Am I really required to do this? Can I just do some, or not at all? How can I do something different that will bring me more joy and get me closer to me goals?”  These little questions are very powerful and it will help you to focus on what it is really important.
  
• Third -  Laugh at yourself and your circumstances. Stop taking yourself SO seriously! Go get a bigger size. Find the joy, find the smiles in little things which will go a long way in helping you see what is truly important in your life.  

Enjoy this moment and this day. 

I was listening to an encore interview on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday series which Oprah had with Diana Nyad – the 62 year old swimmer who completed an historic 103 mile swim from Cuba to Florida, a swim laden with sharks, deadly jellyfish and 51 hours of pure exertion.  Diana was successful on her fifth try which took 35 years!  Many lesser mortals would have given up.

Diana’s mantra is “Find A Way!”  Those words struck me with such clarity  - you know when you hear something that it jolts you awake?  Well, these words did. No matter what obstacles, no matter what other people say to discourage you, if you truly believe in your goals and yourself, you will stay on course.

You will be able to dig deep down inside and figure how you get from the depths of where you are to where you want to go.

Attention and Intention

Deepak Chopra talks about Attention and Intention in his book, the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.  To fulfill our dreams, we cannot just wish for them, we have to put our attention on them (action, action, action), and, make this goal or intention something that we strive for, no matter what. We keep the goal in mind, and decide that it is not just something we would like, or want, but something that we must do. 

Pay attention to the words you use around your goals. Do you say – I ‘wish for...’, I ‘hope that…’, I ‘would like to….”  Not very convincing, is it?  But if you tell yourself with real feeling  ‘I must…” or even  “I am…”, go in side and pay attention to the difference in the feelings you have between this inner language you are using.  ‘Must’ and ‘Am’ are totally empowering, and these words and feelings force your conviction to achieve your dreams, not just hope for good things to happen.

How Do You Find A Way?

1. Believe in Yourself  - I love this quote by Diana – “You can do anything you want but you have to believe.”  No one else will support you if you don’t first have your own inner conviction. 

2. Make a plan and stick to it- set goals, deadlines and resources you need to achieve your dreams.

3. Ask for help – figure out what you need and who can help you in your quest
 Give yourself permission to rely on others – there are no rules that say you have to do this alone.

4.  Be prepared for Bumps In the Road. Flexibility is key, and one of the best skills you can have because it forces you to be creative and find a way to get where you want to go!

Know that you have incredible skills and resources within you.  Allow them to come out, sometimes digging deep inside, and by facing these obstacles, and even the ‘sharks in the water’, we find great lessons and become our best self – knowing that we can achieve remarkable things in this life we have.

When I write these words, they are written primarily for you.  I also benefit from them - I remind myself of what is important in life and find ways to achieve my goals as well, throughout all of my ‘bumps’ in my life.  I get to think through my issues and dreams and come up with ways to share my best practices with you.

On the quiet little side street in London I came across this sign: Give Way. I stopped for a moment and thought about the impact of those words.  Give Way brings with it a power to choose and not just be swept away by the traffic or tides in our lives that can render us immobile or hopeless. Let me explain -  when we are faced with the big things - a devastating illness, loss of work, financial hardships, loss of a loved one or changes others want to make to our lives,  it is so easy to feel helpless and out of control.

For others, it is not being hopeless, but perhaps feeling that we need to fight back, chasing elusive opponents and circumstances we cannot change. We feel powerless because the target is too big or too scary.  So we give in or give up.

Which brings me back to Give Way - it is different from giving in.  Sometimes it is best to step back, yield to the realities in our lives and go into problem solving, not fighting the tide. Here are some ways to get back in control:

• Look for options. There are always options.
  
• Assess your strengths. You have more that you realize.
  
• Look for potential solutions.  Take off the blinders and get creative.
  
• Become active in moving forward.  Action is the most powerful tool you have.
  
• Trust that what is in our lives is something we can mange, and that it shows up to teach us something we need to learn. 
  
• There is real freedom and personal power In acceptance and reassuring and moving on. We get to be creators of our present and of our future if we actively choose to stop being victims of our circumstances.
  

So next time you are faced with a very difficult hardship or even a small bump in the road, know that there is a way to yield and to steer around the bump. To Give Way brings out your best self, knowing you have choices and skills and experiences that will allow you to flow in the right direction – to more happiness and joy in your life. 

“Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill."
- Christopher Parker 

How many times have we said to ourselves,  – “I just can’t seem to take that first step.”  Or, “It’s so hard to get started.” ?  What is it about a beginning,  especially if we perceive the task in front of us to be really difficult, or boring or not what we want to be doing?  The result is that we get immobilized,  frozen in place, put on our procrastination coat and don’t move.  We get distracted so easily – how fun it is to be on Facebook and check out what your friends are doing on their vacations, see what is happening in Washington, listen to the latest Entertainment News, watch the View, The Chew, look up a recipe,  talk to your co-workers, clean out your desk drawer, and so on?

Before we know it, we’re wondering, gosh, what happened to the day and the List of Things I needed to do?!  We are frustrated, stressed and end up beating ourselves up for not getting things done.  Fun is over, bill is due. Not a great place to be.

Dr. Wayne Dyer, one of the most incredibly motivating people in the world, talks about how to “Live From the End” in his book “Wishes Fulfilled. Mastering the Art of Manifesting.”  He sees, hears and feels that what he wants to accomplish as already done.  Not in process, or just in the planning stages, but already done! 

The Hopscotch Connection

So this got me thinking about how we even get started and get past being get stuck at the beginning.  Remember when you were little and you played hopscotch?  You didn’t jump on the first block – you went at least to the second one - and had some fun jumping over the beginning.

Instead of being frozen in place, take the second step first:  ask yourself, “What is the second thing you need to do?”  How does that feel to you?  Act like the first step has already been done and you are suddenly in ‘action’, already on phase two.  It has a whole different feeling,  right?  Now when you jump over the first step, you move along more smoothly,  and then you can either go back and quickly do that first thing or skip it all together - be it starting to write your book (hey, you are already on page 2!),  coming up with new ways of making more money (ahh- two ideas now),  getting out of a bad relationship (the hard part is already behind you).  See what I mean?  Move along the path, and you are well on your way to realizing your dreams, feeling better, or just plain getting things done.

This way you get to enjoy what you are doing, AND you get out of ‘stuck.’  Action brings joy, success and just such a feeling of - wow - I did it!  So go ahead – set your sights, throw out your goal, jump past the first block on your internal hopscotch course, and soon you can reach out and grab that goal you almost stopped yourself from getting.  Skipping ahead isn’t really so hard after all! 

“ I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't.” Audre Lorde, writer and civil rights activist.

I came across this quote and it made me think quite a bit about how many times women do not speak up when they have something really wonderful to contribute, and what holds us back – fear and exhaustion come to mind as perhaps the two biggest reasons.

This is not just about women speaking up or being too timid or shy.  This is also about  you, as a woman, being honest with yourself about your feelings,  ideas, philosophy, and what you stand for. It is about taking the time to define what it really is that is important to you and having the courage to use your voice. Telling others about your beliefs, be it writing or speaking is really a gift when it is done with love, conviction and  authenticity.

What do I mean by voice?  It can be your outer voice - that which others hear, or your inner voice- those things you tell yourself which are either nourishing or harmful.

Defining Who You Are

Too many of us are afraid, or don’t care, or are too busy to define ourselves and our values.  We simply have no time: 40% of women in the U S are the sole or primary breadwinners and single heads of the household -- a mind-boggling role which requires all of our mental and physical effort to just get thorough the day.

When you get into animated discussions at work or social situations,  and there you have another, maybe unpopular, opinion, how often do you sit back and just listen, not wanting to take a risk, stick your neck out, or use what little energy you have left?

My challenge is for you to open up to yourself, take time to define what is important to you, find that courage within you, and join in the conversation.  A well thought out opinion certainly has so much more interest than the hundreds of uninspired comments we are subject to everyday. 



Need more Inspiration?  Just go back to the Discovery Programs Page http://www.icwop.com/index.html 
on this website for ideas, programs, and a free teleseminar coming up on June 27th.  

Many of us have had, or have known, children graduating from college.  There was so much joy through all those years of seeing our children grow up, and now we suddenly watch them step into their own new post-college worlds. It is amazing to see the transformation they have all gone through and to think about the new life they have in front of them!  

Coincidentally (or perhaps not), I came across a video from Marie Forleo about Feeling Lost that really got my attention. “Lost” was, in a way, how I was feeling about graduation.  Throughout the happiness, there was also something going on that was so unexpected – I was off balance, knowing that we are entering into another transition, another new world.

It is so hard letting our children go.  Not that we ever fully do “let them go,” but the pomp and circumstance of the commencement” ceremony really brings home that this is a significant, life-changing event.

Now I am faced with how to enjoy this next phase of our family’s journey.  I imagine there are many of you in this same situation – be it high school or college graduation, becoming grandmothers, suddenly becoming caretakers,  taking early retirement, or some other life-changing event -- it seems that so many of us are in a great upheaval and transition.

So I am looking back to what helped me through my past great challenges in life, and I offer you some of the most important lessons that I learned on not only how to cope, but to also grow and understand that life’s changes can also bring much joy:

1. Understand and accept that you cannot control every outcome.  About 18 months ago, while going through a personal crisis, David Ji (then with the Chopra Center advised me to focus on what I could control.  What a relief to know I wasn’t in control of everything and could just let some things go!

2. Accept help from others.  There are real life “angels” all around, ready to give you just what you need at the moment. Get outside of your feelings and be open to help, which is in front of you. As my cousin always says, “Accept graciously.”

3. Be grateful. Accept and know inside that the change you are going through is all for a reason, and there are transformative life lessons to be learned. Also consider that your challenges and transitions are not only about what is happening to you but that, somehow, others would benefit from your experience as well. 

4. Be Curious. Ask yourself “I wonder what will happen if…?”

Be childlike in your curiosity; it will move you to places of joy if you allow it.

When you feel lost in these times of transition and upheaval, remember these 4 lessons,  and you will already be well on your way to being found.   

A few weeks ago while I was in Washington, D C, I attended a special exhibit at the National Museum of Women in the Arts, a beautiful hidden gem of a museum.  

My friend had told me there was a wonderful exhibit called  “Women Who Rock – Vision, Passion, Power.“ It highlights women in rock and roll, from Billie Holiday through Lady Gaga, and the roles they played in helping to create and move the American rock culture ahead.   What stood out was their passion and daring in using their talents against many obstacles. 

What first struck me was a quote written on the wall when I entered the first exhibit room.  It said:

“I didn’t have anybody…so I had to make my own way…I had to go out in the world and be strong to discover my mission in life.” 

I just stood there  as I took in the power of those words.  What really stopped in my tracks was realizing the woman who had said it – no other than Tina Turner!  And we all know her story.  What an amazing women to have the courage to keep getting up after being tossed around (sometimes literally).  And you can see it was her passion and her purpose that was a great driving factor.  She is still going strong- and still has those great legs!

So for all of us, it is about reaching inside and allowing our passion and talent to come out.  Just acknowledging that inner voice inside of us that says  ‘there is something more’ is the first step.  Go ahead- listen and then write down what you feel so you can start to “make your own way” as well.  All of us may not have Tina Turner's legs, but we sure have the same ability to discover our mission in life. 

*photo courtesy of www.eventim.de 

In a recent blog post, I wrote about the importance of searching for our purpose so we can be happy and be doing that which brings us joy. So let’s say you have decided it’s time to start your exploration… now what??

There are two things that can help us to move forward: our intention and our attention. Webster defines the words as follows:

Intention: “A determination to act in a certain way.”
Attention: “The act or state of applying the mind to something.”

Putting those two words together, you get something like “applying the mind to a determination to act in a certain way” or “a determination to apply the mind to a particular something.” You can see how putting these two words into practice is a powerful combination!

Here’s an example from my own life. Long story short (read the longer version here), my husband recently had very serious, life-threatening health issues and my life became a 24/7 vigil of worry, fear, and exhaustion. I was putting all my attention on the worst that might happen, and constantly feeling “woe is me” for having to deal with so much all at once, all the time.

One day, a conversation I had with my life coach finally woke me up to where I was putting my attention, and I realized I needed to change that to keep my health and to get my happiness back.

I decided right then and there to put my attention on the positive parts of my life, and I changed my intention from “get through the awfulness of today” to “move forward and change my life, taking action each day to re-find my joy.” That intention is strong… I am sticking to it relentlessly… and IT IS WORKING!

I couldn’t have made that change without support, which is why I am so committed to providing support and resources through the International Center for Women on Purpose. Here you can get support and help on honing your intention, creating your action plan, and focusing your attention on your purposeful journey.

The first step begins with you, so why not start by signing up for our NO CHARGE teleseminar?  Send me an email here to be notified when registration opens.

There is no complicated formula… just allow the change to flow through you, and reach out for help and guidance today.

What a relief and feeling of joy you will have when you decide to be who you need to be — a happy and fulfilled woman!

During the darkest time of my life, my life coach asked me something that really got my attention: “What story is it that you want to tell about your experience? Is it the dark stuff or the story of the goodness that happened every day?”We each have a story – one that changes, one we get to write with or without others, and one that we get to tell in whatever way we want and need to. This is my story – and the story of many other women who are in the process of looking for something new, something different to do with their lives.

Near the end of 2011, my husband of 25 years had a massive heart attack that put him in cardiac intensive care on a ventilator and feeding tube for almost 25 days. He had major heart damage and kidney failure and ended up having 7 bypasses (who knew you could have so many?) and heart valve repair.

Each day was excruciating – not knowing if my husband would live though the day, but knowing I could not imagine a life without him. Those months felt like the bottom of hell: 100-mile drives each day, 8 – 10 hours in the hospital waiting room under bright lights (and pervasive fear), making difficult medical decisions for someone else, seeing him code right before my eyes.

I am so relieved and grateful to report that through excellent care, prayers from all over the world, energy work and my husband’s spirit inside wanting to stay alive, he has survived!

In between all of the bad experiences, I was kept afloat because of the incredible people that were with me each day, and who became my angels: the gifted surgeons, doctors, nurses, and hospital staff – all brilliant people who were so caring.

The little things these “angels” did for me kept me alive while my husband was fighting for his life:

• The housekeeper would come up and give me a big hugs when I was alone and crying in the hallway
• The head of the heart hospital would check in on me each day and speak with me kindly and give me a hug as well (this was a warm and huggy place for a major heart hospital!)
• The stranger in the garage elevator who told me, out of the blue, that everything would be ok
• My family and friends becoming my lifeboat with their calls, notes, food, and flowers

I got through those hospital days, but did not get the relief I had hoped for when my husband finally got to come home. I was then thrown in to the role of caregiver, which was particularly frightening because he was still very weak and fragile. I was also already physically and emotionally drained, and quickly become very depressed and stopped doing anything but getting through each long day of caretaking.

It was almost 3 months with barely any days off and non-stop issues to deal with… and during that time, the story I told was one of hopelessness, worst-case scenarios, and exhaustion.

Then my life coach asked that question: “What story is it that you want to tell about your experience? Is it the dark stuff or the story of the goodness that happened every day?”

Wow! I was taken aback as I realized I was becoming a victim – a role which I have been very conscious of staying out of most of my life. But here I was – right in the middle of “poor me!”

I decided right then and there to put my attention on the positive parts of my life, and I changed my intention from “get through the awfulness of today” to “move forward and change my life, taking action each day to re-find my joy.” That intention is strong… I am sticking to it relentlessly… and IT IS WORKING!

Instead of reliving those painful memories over and over again, I am putting my attention on other things by meditating each day and focusing on gratitude. I think about how I can ‘pay it forward’ from such a grateful place in my heart. And I have a strong and relentless intention to move forward and change my life and am taking action each day to become happy.

I changed the way I was telling my story, and it changed my experience of living.

It is so powerful to stop each day and decide what our story will be for this day and going forward. There is only one simple question – what is my story going to be??? What is my story today? What will I have written 5 , 10 or 20 years from now?

It begins today. You get to decide.